Daphne Lawless: Pre-Vostok Lake songs (1999-2002)

Me in 2000

Ah, to be young again. Less embarrassing and naïve, though. The words to the songs from my "facing image" and Undinal Songs albums. The oldest of these go all the way back to 1993. Some of them are pretty cringe, some of them are funny, some of them still hold up, and all of them are about what you'd expect from the person I was in the place I was. Enjoy (buy if you feel so inclined). - Daphne

"anastasia's clone"

Anastasia had jet-black hair
And her face was the colour of mould
She walked around with a permanent sneer
Her voice and her handshake were cold
Miranda thought she was wonderful
The most beautiful girl ever seen
But Stacey didn't esteem her at all
Looked through her like she wasn't there
How could she be so blind?
Miranda knew they were meant for each other
She'd make her change her mind

Climbing the drainpipe in the dead of night
With her fishnets caught in the screws
Swung in the window with her boots on tight
Not a moment of time left to lose
Miranda knew it was Stacey's room
From the posters of Death on the wall
She laid them out by the light of the moon
On her pillow, a single rose
A poem that told of her need
She rubbed her hands along Stacey's clothes
And went back out the window at speed

She dyed her hair, and she painted her face
She wore silver and crystal and bone
Of the old Miranda there was little trace
She'd become Anastasia's clone
With the black eyeliner and the velvet dress
But still Stacey's heart was like stone
Miranda sat by the phone
Waiting for Stacey to call
But if you asked her what was she doing
She wasn't waiting at all

Anastasia was a little disgusted
And more than a little afraid
She decided to use her magic
To deal with this monster she'd made
She made a doll and she filled it with pins
And she sent it to Miranda by mail
And two weeks later the news came in
Miranda had just left town
And that filled Stacey with joy
But there was something she didn't expect
Miranda went with Stacey's boy

She dyed her hair, and she painted her face
She wore silver and crystal and bone
Of the old Miranda there was little trace
She'd become Anastasia's clone
She was better than the real thing in every way
It was unwise to leave her alone
Now Stacey sits by the phone
Waits for her boyfriend to call
But if you ask her what was she doing
She wasn't waiting at all
Now Stacey sits by the phone
Waits for her boyfriend to call
But if you ask her what was it she's doing
She wasn't waiting at all

"face at the window"

Someone's looking through your window, someone's trying to get in
I try so hard to gain your attention, but you won't let me win
The rain pours down like an ocean, and my boots leak at the heel
Is this kind of emotion that you want me to reveal?
Is this kind of emotion that you want me to reveal?

Walking back along the street in the damp cloak of night
The lamplight glitters bittersweet, but my cigarette won't light
The nicotine absorbs me in the way you used to do
you wouldn't just ignore me - I assume that much is true
You couldn't just ignore me - I assume that much is true

Situation's over, emotions never end
I don't need a therapist, I only need a friend
After the explosion (I believed I knew your name)
We count the damage done (you would always stay the same)
I don't need a thousand nights (deluding myself again)
I only need the one
I only need the one

And all we ever looked for was a smiling face
And all we ever looked for was a saving grace
And all we ever needed was the jaws of life
And all we ever needed was a carving knife

Someone's looking in your window, someone's walking away
Don't resent me in the future for the part I had to play
I could never be your lover, I could never take that on
It would only be another "You'll be happy when I'm gone"
It would only be another "You'll be happy when I'm gone"

Situation's over, emotions never end
I don't need a therapist, I only need a friend
After the explosion (I believed I knew your name)
We count the damage done (you would always stay the same)
I don't need a thousand nights (deluding myself again)
I only need the one
I only need the one...

And all I ever wanted was you.

"fly away home"

It's winter in my city of the valleys
The green and grey stretch out behind
The cold air blows in through my window
And steals the words right from my mind
Last night I dreamt I saw the ocean
Imprisoned in my castle tower
And the thousand miles that lay between us
Just drifted away with the hour

And if I were a bird I'd fly away home
And this is what I want to do
And if I were a bird I'd fly away home
Fly away home to you

Parting is such sickly sorrow
I found that out the time before
I love my city and the land that I was born in
But sometimes I think I love you more
One day I'll make the great migration
Leave this land I love behind
And follow dreams and memory
Into the western sky

And if I were a bird I'd fly away home
And this is what I want to do
And if I were a bird I'd fly away home
Fly away home to you

And if I were a bird I'd fly away home
And this is what it's coming to
And if I were a bird I'd fly away home
Fly away home to you
I'd fly away home, fly away home to you

"hejmen mi flugus"

Estas vintro en mia urbo de valetoj
Verda kaj griza mia penso
Tra la fenestron ventro malvarmiĝas
Kaj ŝtelas la vortojn el mia menso

Mi sonĝis hieraŭ pri la maro
Kiun mi vidis de karcero
Kaj la mil mejloj kiuj apartigis nin
Simple forfandis kiel neĝero

Kaj se mi estus birdo, hejmen mi flugus
Kaj estas kion volas mi
Kaj se mi estus birdo, hejmen mi flugus
Hejmen mi flugus al vi

La disiĝado estas trista
Antaŭe mi malkovris ĝin
Mi amas mian urbon, mian landon
Sed kelkfoje pli mi amas vin

Eble forlasos mi patrujon
Forflugos kiel la aliaj
Kaj en la okcidenta ĉielo
Vidiĝos la sonĝ-memoroj miaj

Kaj se mi estus birdo, hejmen mi flugus
Kaj estas kion volas mi
Kaj se mi estus birdo, hejmen mi flugus
Hejmen mi flugus al vi

Kaj se mi estus birdo, hejmen mi flugus
Kaj eble unuiĝus ni
Kaj se mi estus birdo, hejmen mi flugus
Hejmen mi flugus al vi
Hejmen mi flugus, hejmen mi flugus al vi

"hands upon the wheel"

No good looking for a way to make things right
Maintaining the old illusion
Strange people are wandering round tonight
They contribute to our confusion
No good looking for a way to understand
It's gotten out of all control
I've got a feeling that I'll have to change my plans
If I don't want to play the victim's role

I know, and you know, we both know, exactly what this means
But I feel it's unreal, so what's the deal? Can we avoid this scene?
I try to surprise you - I rise to my hands upon your wheel
If I delay you, or betray you, I say to you it proves that I'm for real.

No good trying to somehow make it pay
Still trying to pretend there's nothing wrong
It's something you'll grow out of, anyway
Did you think that I planned it all along?
Now I'm looking for a way to make it fail
To feel better as I sink to the floor
Dressed in black, I tread the backwards trail
I expect your attention, nothing more

I know, and you know, we both know, exactly what this means
But I feel it's unreal, so what's the deal? Can we avoid this scene?
I try to surprise you - I rise to your hands upon my wheel
If I delay you, or betray you, I say to you it proves that I'm for real.

I know, and you know, we both know, exactly what this means
But I feel it's unreal, so what's the deal? Can't we avoid this scene?
I try to surprise you - I rise to your hands upon my wheel
If I delay you, or betray you, I say to you it only proves that I'm for real.

"living in wartime"

When you're living in wartime
You hide your face against the wall
Button your coat against the dark about to fall
When you're living in wartime
Sneaking out of alleys looking left and right
Painting propaganda in the dead of night
You run when no-one pursues
Time means nothing, and there's nothing to lose
When you're living in wartime
Living in wartime

When you're living in wartime
Snipers firing out of every street
You look for signals, but your intelligence is incomplete.
When you're living in wartime
Death comes quickly in the twilit gloom
Straight lines glisten in the silence of the room
You write in codes no-one understands
Spies are everywhere in neutral lands
When you're living in wartime
Living in wartime

And you'll never relax at all
No, you'll never relax at all
'cause you gave up your life for the cause
And now you're living in wartime.
Living in wartime

Because no-one will ever know your name
And no-one will ever feel the same
When you're living in wartime
Living in wartime

Yes you gave up your life for the cause
And now you're living in wartime.
Living in wartime
Living in wartime

"our mutual friend"

I was looking for the Amsterdam Hilton
I was looking for a face in the crowd
I was wondering what would keep me from wilting
In the space where the traffic allowed
When she walked up to me with a gesture
That she'd chosen to follow me home
And I truly believed I'd impressed her
If only I'd known

Our mutual friend, our mutual friend
Through some oversight, she stayed half the night
And tried to pretend
Our mutual friend, our mutual friend
Through some kind of truce, she's still on the loose
Will this never end?
Will this never end?
Will this never end?

She told me that she worked in a graveyard
She bit me on the tongue when we kissed
She warned me of erratic behaviour
And I wondered what else I'd missed
And I wanted a good explanation
Of the mess that she left on my floor
But she took me in her mouth to persuade me
Not to say any more

Our mutual friend, our mutual friend
Through some oversight, she stayed half the night
And tried to pretend
Our mutual friend, our mutual friend
Through some kind of truce, she's still on the loose
Will this never end?
Will this never end?
Will this never end?

So I walked into the bar at the Bristol
And I threw a bunch of coins on the counter
I was looking for a drink or a pistol
Or some way to be happy without her
And I hoped she would remember my birthday
And I thought she would remember my name
If she'd wanted all along just to hurt me
She'd have done just the same

Our mutual friend, our mutual friend
Through some oversight, she stayed half the night
And tried to pretend
Our mutual friend, our mutual friend
Through some kind of truce, she's still on the loose
Will this never end?
Will this never end?
Will this never end?

I was looking for a battle with monsters
I was looking for a reason to smile
And I'm sorry if I lay on your conscience
But I hadn't been laid in a while
And I watch as you pick up the pieces
Of the mess that she made of you too
And the pleasure of our meeting increases
If only she knew

Our mutual friend, our mutual friend
Through some oversight, she stayed half the night
And tried to pretend
Our mutual friend, our mutual friend
Through some kind of truce, she's still on the loose
Will this never end?
Will this never end?
Will this never end?

"the reason why"

You've got me hanging round my telephone
Twenty-four hours a day
Not for a second that I'm on my own
And there is nothing left to say

You made me blinkered and passive
I wasn't much of a toy
I gave you all that I had to give
What you wanted was a boy

Oh god, I hate you sometimes
But it's so hard to say goodbye
Oh god, I hate you sometimes
And this is the reason why

I don't know what you were thinking
I doubt that I thought the same
Laid back and stared at the ceiling
Your face distorting as you came

I found some words that you wrote me
Perfectly shaped on the page
A model of insincerity
In lines like the bars of a cage

Oh god, I miss you sometimes
I swore I would not cry
Oh god, I hate you sometimes
And this is the reason why

I feel like a room no-one goes to any more
I can no longer pretend
That I was happy with the things I saw
Or that you could be my friend

Hanging on his arm you looked so serene
You looked like someone I knew
Does he know how much your kisses mean?
Do you tell him you love him too?

Oh god, I want you sometimes
The midnight voices sigh
Oh god, I hate you sometimes
And this is the reason why

Oh god, I hate you sometimes
But it's so hard to so goodbye
Oh god, I hate you, hate you
And this is the reason why

"two swans"

Spring is cruel, the dead returning
Memories of things I saw
Rising from their ashen slumber
Feel the cold and cry no more
Relatives around the graveside
Staring with accusing eyes
I was young, I knew no better
Hindsight always makes us wise

Meanwhile, out the window
In the southern sky
Two swans fly
Two swans fly

Writing in my ancient notebook
Diary of the wasted years
Fragments shored against my ruins
Ringed in outline, stained in tears
Who was it who wrote these questions
Stranger with my face and name?
Loneliness my sole companion
Living in the arms of pain

Meanwhile, out the window
In the southern sky
Two swans fly
Two swans fly

All those years are past and over
I was only passing through
I was on the path that beckoned
On the road that led to you
Watch me in my transformation
Wingspan stretching, feathers white
Flying from the graveside quietly
Meeting in our sunset flight

Watch us from your window
In the southern sky
Two swans fly
Two swans fly

"sparks"

I want you to touch me
Somehow, somewhere
I want you to know that I don't care
Oh, let sparks fly
Up into the silent sky

I see your reflection
Stand behind me
I want to know how you find me
There'll be no resistance
Distance is the only crime

Come on and open your arms all around me
I'm not ready, but I think that you've found me out
I'm breathless, in a word

From you I keep no secrets
But there are things you might have missed
The clouds around my weakness
The desperation in my kiss

But this is the price
To be honest with you
This is the key that I give you
You can trust my movements
In the darkness I will tell no lies

For what you have given
There's no returning
Awkward at first, but we're learning
To be carried over
The moment in a heartbeat's time

Come on and open your arms all around me
I'm not ready, but I know that you've found me out
I'm breathless, in a word

Do you like my vulnerability?
Do you like my shame?
To the best of my ability
I have hidden in my name

And how can we know
We won't hurt each other?
What to expect from a lover
Who can make you shiver
Deeper than you've ever known?

I just know that I want you
To touch me, touch me
I want you to know just how much we
Could become together -
A single spark can start a fire

Come on and open your arms all around me
I'm not ready, but I think that you've found me out
I'm breathless, in a word

Come on and open yourself all around me
I'm not ready, but I know that you've found me out
I'm breathless, in a word
I'm restless, in a word
I need you, in a word

"water music"

I sat beside the river, fishing
Toes dangling in the water
I hoped to turn again, wishing
I could set my lands in order

Memories flowing away from me
Gently down the stream
All my weak and idle promises
No more yielding than a dream
No more yielding than a dream
Yielding like a dream

All over the world
All over the world
The waters are breaking
The waters are breaking
Everything passes
It all flows away
πάντα ῥεῖ
It all flows away
πάντα ῥεῖ

I would exchange the water's song
For all the glittering words I've learned
I'm twenty-six years old today
And I want my innocence returned

All the flowers that I offered
Sunken to the ocean floor
Shapeless, lost, dismembered
No power any more

I'm fighting currents pulling me backwards
Ebb tide, neap tide, flood
The sound of crickets in the marshes
Salty streams of blood
Salty streams of blood
Streams of blood

All over the world
All over the world
The waters are breaking
The waters are breaking
Everything passes
It all flows away
πάντα ῥεῖ
It all flows away
πάντα ῥεῖ

I have no need for solitude
For darkness, silence, to pretend
I'm twenty six years old today
And a virgin once again

This Water Music came upon me
Bubbling up from underground
From some unconscious reservoir
The most enchanting sound

I lie beside the water, fishing
For words to fit the song
I dream of love to come, wishing
That it won't be very long
It won't be very long
It won't take very long

All over the world
All over the world
The waters are breaking
The waters are breaking
Everything passes
It all flows away
πάντα ῥεῖ
It all flows away
πάντα ῥεῖ

All over the world
All over the world
The waters are breaking
The waters are breaking
All over the world

"weekend witch "

Black eyeliner, black velvet dress
She bought six books from Llewellyn Press
She's a Weekend Witch - a Weekend Witch
She saw a movie all about magic spells
Now she's sure she could do it just as well
Now she's set to plumb the cosmos from the safety of her room
Her aura incandescent in her adolescent gloom

She's a weekend witch, with a weekday mind
And some silver stars that she leaves behind
And it might seem funny, but it's what she does
And you can't return her to the way she was
She's a weekend witch from the magic wood
And I wish like hell I looked half as good
But at least she means well... (at least she means something)
And that's better than nothing at all (nothing at all)

Altar candles, altered state of mind
Cranking up the Bauhaus, closing the blind
She's a Weekend Witch - a Weekend Witch
Chants the invocation, only wearing skin
Hopes her parents don't come blundering in
She wears a name from a fantasy novel, a cloak, a jewel, a hat
She learned her Tarot back to front and she channels Cleopatra's cat

She's a Weekend Witch, with a weekday mind
And some silver stars that she leaves behind
And if she can't stand it, then it's overthrown
This is how she planned it, so just leave her alone
She's a Weekend Witch, and she turns me on
Though I can't help thinking that her mind is gone
But at least she means well (at least she means something)
and that's better than nothing at all (nothing at all)

Can I touch you, Weekend Witch, or can I leave my mark?
Your face is white, your lips are black, you're glowing in the dark

She's a Priestess of the Mysteries, she's got a new crystal ball
So they think she's a weirdo? Well she'll show them all!
She's a Weekend Witch - a Weekend Witch
Her mum don't understand her; her boyfriend is worse
She's searching through her books for some kind of curse
She's drifting through the Otherworld in search of certainty
But the reflection of her makeup in the mirror is all we see

She's a weekend witch, with a weekday mind
And some silver stars that she leaves behind
And it might seem funny, but it's what she does
And you can't return her to the way that she was
She's a weekend witch from the magic wood
And I wish like hell I looked half as good
But at least she means well... (at least she means something)
And that's better than nothing at all (nothing at all)
Yes at least she means well... (at least she means something)
And that's better than nothing at all (nothing at all)

"la sorĉistetino"

Pala ŝminko, nigra velur'
ŝi legis pri magio en ia broŝur'
La Sorĉistetino... Sorĉistetino...
ŝi lastatempe vidis furor-filmon
Deziris simili la magul-heroinon
ŝi celas iĝi saĝa nun
Sidante en komforta
Mistika povo liberigos ŝin
El ŝia junaĝo morna

La sorĉistetino kun viv' enua
Kreis novan memon per imago flua
Ridinde eble, sed ŝi vojon trovas
Kaj normaligi ŝin neniu povas
La sorĉistetin' aspektas tiel lakone
Mi volus ŝajni kiel ŝi impone
Sed ŝi bone intencas
(aŭ ion intencas)
Kiu dirus ke ŝi rajtas ne?

Lumigitaj kandeloj, modifita mensa stat'
Kaj disko de Baŭhaŭs en ŝia manplat'
La Sorĉistetino... Sorĉistetino...
ŝi fermas kurtenojn kun sorĉa kanto kruda
Por ke gepatroj ne ekvidu ŝin nuda
ŝi novajn mantelon kaj nomon portas
ĉapelon kaj juvelon
Per multaj libroj ŝi Tarokon lernis
Kaj nun serĉas gardangelon

La sorĉistetino kun viv' enua
Kreis novan memon per imago flua
Kaj se io ĝenas, ŝi renversos ĝin
ŝi timigi penas, do evitu ŝin
La sorĉistetinon mi deziras
Sed ŝia strangeco min mirigas
ŝi bone intencas
(aŭ ion intencas)
Kiu dirus ke ŝi rajtas ne?

Vizaĝo blanka min allogas
ĉu mi tuŝu ĝin?
La lipojn nigrajn mi kisi volas
De l' kara sorĉistin'...

ŝi regas la Misterojn per nova kristalsfero
ĉu iu mokas ŝin? Iru ĝi al l'infero!
La Sorĉistetino... Sorĉistetino...
Patrino kaj karulo povas ne kompreni
ŝi serĉas en la libroj por kiel malbeni
Tra l'Alimond' ŝi drivas
Certecon serĉas ŝi
Sed nur reflekton de ŝia ŝminko en spegulo
vidas ni...

La sorĉistetino kun viv' enua
Kreis novan memon per imago flua
Ridinde eble, sed ŝi vojon trovas
Kaj normaligi ŝin neniu povas
La sorĉistetin' aspektas tiel lakone
Mi volus ŝajni kiel ŝi impone
Sed ŝi bone intencas
(aŭ ion intencas)
Kiu dirus ke ŝi rajtas ne?
...jes, ŝi bone intencas
(aŭ ion intencas)
Kiu dirus ke ŝi rajtas ne?

"world without end"

Ten days through the time to get over it
Sinking in, all of it, nothing to say
Telephone silent, my watch counts the seconds down
Wait to be beckoned down, out of the way
I want them to know that it hurts when they mention your name
They don't have to tell me it's over; the whole situation's insane
It's all very well for me sitting here drowning my pride
It could have been easier going to see you tonight.

One day I hope you'll be able to think of me
Not as an enemy, more as a friend
One day I'll wake from the nightmare of history
Life has its mysteries, world without end

I put on a record and stare at the hourglass
Watching the seconds pass, minute by day
I pick up a pen and I write down an opening
Desperately hoping for something to say
Writing is cowardice, shooting from well out of range
Part of the truce in our holy war; eventually something might change.
You, on the other hand, don't hesitate to attack
The smile from the coffee-cup blinds to the stab in the back

One day I hope you'll be able to think of me
Not as an enemy, more as a friend
One day I'll wake from the nightmare of history
Life has its mysteries, world without end

I think that I saw you last week in a shopping mall
Then at a party, or after a show
All that I wanted to do was call out to you
Let down my armour and just let you know
But I hadn't the stomach for such a grand gesture that day
You never acknowledged my presence; I smiled as you wandered away
And I was left standing there, blood on my hands, on the floor
I don't want to hate you, I don't want to hurt any more

One day I hope you'll be able to think of me
Not as an enemy, more as a friend
One day I'll wake from the nightmare of history
Life has its mysteries, world without end
World without end

"would it still be all right?"

Would it still be all right if I touched you
If I got you to shiver and moan?
I can't help it; I don't know how much you
Can trust me when we're on our own

Would it still be all right to embrace you
And to kiss away tears from your eyes?
'Cause I don't know how else I could face you
Now you know all my secrets and my lies

Would it still be all right if I held you
When we ran out of things we could say?
I don't know what sweet nothings I'd tell you
But I'm sure I'd improve every day

Would it still be okay to be honest
To tell you when things aren't all right?
I'll abide by the limits I promised
But I still call your name in the night

Would it still be all right if I loved you?
I feel that I've done something wrong
But I swear by the heavens above you
It's only revealed in this song