Vostok Lake

Small Group Psychosis (2010)

Cover of "Small Group Psychosis". No, that's not me in the picture.
Thirteen cheerful pop songs about alienation, lust, insanity and revenge. A Weightless Music production composed, recorded, mixed, produced and mastered by Daphne Lawless using consumer standard hardware and software. Released January 2010 on Random Static Music. Buy it here!

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The words...

ABOMINATION

Two men walking down the street together The little sun passes away One has got his hand in the pocket of his lover The other's got nothing to say They stop at the corner and wait for the signal Staring at the signs on the wall Then out of the alley comes the gang with the pistol The black shirts out of control

and yet we say Our love is not yours Our love is not yours to take

One man talking on the stage to thousands Shining in the light of the sun He came on a Harley and left in a limo Looking after number one Up go the hands in jubilation Doesn't get more holy than this - Casting out the evil which divides the nation He's talking 'bout when you and me kiss

and yet we say Our love is not yours Our love is not yours to take Our choices, not yours, Our choices not yours to make And we're not part of your nation If our love is your abomination.

It's all about the sacred nuclear family The profittakers do as they please The housewife fettered to the stove and pregnant The working girl down on her knees They feed on the dirt and the desperation Looking for a plausible tool Who bows to the man from the corporation Working on dividing to rule

unless we say: Our love is not yours Our love is not yours to take Our choices, not yours, Our choices not yours to make And we're not part of your nation If our love is your abomination.

FOR MY SISTER

I don't like what happened to my sister I would never call it suicide And I don't like the fact the lips that kissed her Had hours later stripped her of her pride I don't like the way they photographed her I don't like the things they made her say And I don't like the fat policeman's laughter Lying through his teeth about that day

Tell me, have I made myself your enemy? Tell me, are your principles so pure? Tell me, if you feel you must condemn me, Would you have acted different? Are you sure?

Oh sister - if I had my way It wouldn't last another day Oh sister - let's bring this curtain down Let's burn this filthy town And every flame will bear the name of my sister And every ember will remember my sister

My sister went and hid her face forever She walked among the lowest of the dead My sister was so brave, she was so clever I had to take to take the weapon in her stead I took it to the place of hate and torture I took it where they feel above the law I took it where they take our sons and daughters I took their lives to even up the score

They cannot kill the one who lives no longer And they can make her weaken even less Their filth and fabrications make her stronger Their enemy knows more than they can guess

Oh sister - if I had my way It wouldn't last another day Oh sister - let's bring this curtain down Let's burn this filthy town And every flame will bear the name of my sister And every ember will remember my sister And this last act will take me back to my sister.

CROWLEY IN A PREVIOUS LIFE

Sebastian loved Anastasia He loved her more than words could say He had the moves that would amaze ya His piercings were Exhibit A The stench of incense would surround him He'd scream at voices in his brain He stole from everyone around him And no-one ever dared complain

'cause people said he was Crowley in a previous life His smile small and sharp like a ritual knife His eyes had the sparkle of danger That Stacey adored The edge of the sword

He had some women on the quiet He probably had some boys as well He never bothered to deny it To people underneath his spell But Stacey put up with his strangeness She felt she saw into his soul You couldn't expect such a mighty Magus To keep his penis under control

and people said he was Crowley in a previous life His smile small and sharp like a ritual knife His eyes had the sparkle of danger That Stacey adored Her parents abhorred

They met amid the volume and the dry ice Dancing at the local drill Sebastian told her that her boots were nice And asked her to make Love Under Will An hour later, he was getting sweaty While Stacey was just getting bored Then just when he was good and ready He screamed "COME THROUGH ME MY DEMON LORD!"

He met a woman somewhere in the ether He summoned her by magic spell When Stacey asked him "What do you want me for?" He told her she could go to hell So she shoved his clothes into a waste disposer She set his books on fire and hit the switch And all she left behind her was a note that said "Meditate your way out of this!"

Crowley in a previous life His smile small and sharp like a ritual knife His eyes had the sparkle of danger But Stacey no more She's broken the cord

NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER

Just a few miles out, and a few miles deep In the midnight hour, when the big dogs sleep You could hear them run, you could hear them crawl You could hear them crying as they hit the wall

It's the terror of knowing That our world's going to end If we cling to our lives If we lay down our friends

It was cold as night, it was black as pitch Had to hold on tight when they flicked the switch We that played to win, we that prayed to lose We that ran for cover when they lit the fuse

It's the fear of revealing What he already knows The secrets your good friends Were forced to disclose

But there’s no choice in the matter at all, at all No choice in the matter And no voice in the chatter at all Unless it's your own And we rejoice as we shatter the globe Which was never our own

It's the terror of knowing You're the last that remains Who held on to your mind While they blew out their brains It's the terror of living On the edge of the cliff Of being the demon In somebody's myth It's the terror of knowing That the world's not your friend They shatter the hourglass They shatter the courtyard They shatter themselves In the end

But there’s no choice in the matter at all, at all No choice in the matter And no voice in the chatter at all Unless it's your own And we rejoice as we shatter the globe Which was never our own And we rejoice as we shatter

YONDER LIES THE SEA

You made the great migration And we get your letters here In our city of the valleys Where the light shines loud and clear In the Transtiberian laundromats And marbled halls of kings Does the sound of the Aro Valley Have a truly sacred ring?

I live among my crystal shards And piles of scribbled lines Just half a pack of greeting cards Remain from better times I curse my vast illfortune Not to rise and leave the nest - Be special and be different, Be just like all the rest.

Dear friend, hello, Will I miss you when you go? And will we all sit back and laugh about it In a little while? Who are you, and who am I? And have the answers changed this time? And if there's nothing left to talk about Who will know, who will see, when we cry?

I have never known nothing Like I never went to school Always nine parts information And ten parts secret rule But when the lights died down in Eastbourne And the moments turned to dust It was good to share my solitude With someone I could trust

Dear friend, hello, Will I miss you when you go? And will we all sit back and laugh about it In a little while? Who are you, and who am I? And have the answers changed this time? But if there's nothing left to laugh about And if there's nothing left to talk about And if it's all gone dead and petered out Who will know, who will see, when we cry?

There's sunlight on the harbour And where are you, dear friend? How roll the famous rivers At your world's far end? But this is only Wellington And yonder lies the sea - And if you were a bird, my friend, Would you fly away home Fly away home to me?

AWAKENING

Under the cover of Autumn night You would be keeping me safe and tight Nothing to choose between wrong and right Lying there hearing the voices sing I’d be delaying awakening Stay with me now, let me see your eyes If you depart, I may never rise

Midwinter comes, and the rain is cold Why am I feeling so very old? Faces rush past me, they haven’t told Why I allowed you to slip away What has become of that autumn day Don’t leave me here in the pouring rain Come to me now, let me live again

A DEAD THING

Innocence In a cage Watch the child Hands and knees and fists of rage Justify Your darkest need Make me cry Taste the power that I bleed

a dead thing hiding in the shadow of the closet a dead thing waiting to be nailed to the wall a dead thing crying in the shatter of glass hoping for the darkness hoping for the dark to fall

I have tried To understand What's inside Wait to speak, don't raise a hand I hate the thing That I've become I try to sing You raise the silence, strike me dumb

a dead thing trying not to notice a dead thing waiting to go numb a dead thing crying where nobody ever hears her hoping for the morning hoping for the dawn to come

You're always right I'm always wrong Each sleepless night I am weak and you are strong I can't pretend To be a pearl Don't condescend Can't you love your little girl?

GIRL WITHOUT A PAST

They never look much closer They see what they want to see Nothing's left that might disclose her In her false transparency But she always feels uneasy In the darkness of the soul Something lies beneath the pleasing Of the part, but not the whole

As she stands before the mirror Makes believe the dream can last She's the woman of the future She's a girl without a past

She has memories in boxes Which she stores against the light But the monsters laugh at locksmiths And she feels it serves her right And she knows the change is final That no traces still remain But the need for firm denial Still imposes on her brain

She threw out the old morality And lied when she was asked Now she's clinging to her sanity A girl without a past

If she thought someone would love it She would gladly turn the page But she strives to rise above it It's the spirit of the age So now she sleeps with random strangers To improve her mental grip She is conscious of the dangers And she never lets it slip

She's the life of all the parties But she leaves them very fast; It's a weight upon the heartstrings Of a girl without a past

Now she stands before the mirror From the first day to the last She's the woman of the future (Just as long as no-one shoots her And as long as living suits her) A girl without a past

ARMY OF LIGHT

Oh-oh Wait for the darkness to come Wait for the stars to be bright Deep in our hearts we dreamed of Being the Army of Light

Oh-oh Wait for the ships to descend Wait for the hum of the drive Deep in our hearts we dreamed of Being the last to survive

I will learn to be a hero Learn to live my fondest dream Gain a meaning and a purpose As we stride across the scene In the darkness we ride, in the darkness we ride For this illusion seems more real Than anything I've felt before And I'll keep my sworn commitment To my comrades in the war - The Army of Light, the Army of Light.

Oh-oh Sometimes it's hard to remember Sometimes the night never ends Deep in our hearts we dreamed of Giving our lives for our friends Oh-oh Stories that held us together Faces that made us aspire Deep in our hearts we dreamed of Facing ourselves in the fire

(chorus)

And how it hurts to know that we'll never be quite As brave as we'd like And how we wished to be in the Army of Light It didn't seem right To deny us our place in the story, The one last chance at the glory Destroying the lies... Under cover of darkness, we rise Under cover of darkness and silence, we rise

For this illusion seems more real Than anything I've felt before And I'll keep my sworn commitment To my comrades in the war - The Army of Light, the Army of Light. Under cover of darkness and silence, we ride.

SMALL GROUP PSYCHOSIS

As the slow glass shows us yesterday What I had said, what I failed to say I tore it up, threw it all away…

We were a part of a secret conspiracy On a holy mission with our closest friends We had the knowledge, the science, the faith in our leadership Six against the empire, and the world about to end

Real life just gets in the way The powerless are always more corrupt Than words can say

We rejoiced in our one way ticket to a better world We were cold, we were poor, we were dark for the sake of light to come And they gave me a reason for everything bad that would happen The tests are always hardest for the chosen one

The powerless are always more corrupt Than words can say I want my life, my old reflection back I want to stay

I never agreed to this I never believed in this I have no more need for this Small group psychosis I never agreed to this I never agreed to any of this I beg and I plead for release from this Small group psychosis

"We promised hand on heart To die before we fell to sin The vicious enemy within I knew there was something wrong With every lie they told But for the greater good I went along And I was bought and sold And bought and sold…”

Oh my father, my leader, my comrade, my general I who was closest to you now removed therefrom How can you call your daughter a backstabber, criminal I lose my beauty in terror, your warm embrace is gone

The viper’s kiss now rules the day The powerless are always more corrupt Than words can say

Oh my brother, my lover, my murderer Where did you go, why do you smile so hungrily? I kept my faith in the world that was possible Yours drowned in the sweet dark poison of our enemy

The powerless can always build themselves A world of pain I want my heart, my soul’s redemption back I still remain

I never agreed to this I never believed in this I have no more need for this Small group psychosis I never agreed to this I never agreed to any of this I beg and I plead for release from this Small group psychosis

And some there were who begged for murder While their minds were clean And some there were who stepped towards me Out of the machine And some there were who checked ignition tanks And blasted into space And some there were who blamed the acolytes And bowed before your face And some there were who swore revenge For some sweet future day And some there were who tore the whole thing up And threw it all away...

EVERYTHING THEY EVER TOLD YOU WAS WRONG

I often said that I'd write for you a love song, Well, darling, now it seems I've found the time While you're away, I'll set my pen to paper To put the way I feel for you in rhyme. The whisper and the murmur in the darkness The taste of sweat upon your skin The thought of you's enough to make me happy; And this, according to our enemies, is sin.

The words I need to describe the way you move me, The way you make me feel helpless, hungry, proud, The joy of you, the very touch which scares me Those words would make you blush if said aloud. These private words I address to you in public You know the thing that means most to me is song I know they say our love offends the heavens But everything they ever told you was wrong.

Everything they ever told you was wrong You are beautiful, you are magical And everything they ever told you was wrong

In this world there are preachers of rejection And their morality justifies a war I feel your kiss, your smile too sweet to mention It's isn't hard to say which matters more. I often dream we can built a brighter future A new tomorrow where hatred won't belong I know they say it's just the tale that suits her But everything they ever told you was wrong.

Everything they ever told you was wrong You are beautiful, I'm in love with you And everything they ever told you was wrong

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